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Come As You Are's blog is the place where we offer our uncensored opinion on all things related to sex toys, sex and the media, sexual science and medicine, and the goings on of our Toronto sex shop and website.
Be sure to also check us out at Twitter, Facebook, Flickr, YouTube & Myspace.
- Position of the Month Club - Spooning
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posted by CAYA on June 18, 2010
Welcome to the Come As You Are Sex Position of the Month Club! This month we'll take a closer look at the spooning sex position - a kind of side-by-side sex. Demonstrated beautifully by the talented, gender-ambiguous couple "A + B", the spooning position is a really great position to get close to your lover, and can be less physically strenuous than partner-on-top style positions.
Here's how to do it: Lying on a spaceous surface like the bed or the floor, both partners should be lying on their side with the partner doing the penetrating spooning their partner (pictured).
Although this position allows for a lot of physical contact between the partners, movement can be limited, and moving in concert with your partner can allow for more active penetration.
The Spooning sex position is ideal when a wide range of movement isn't ideal, and can be very comfortable during pregnancy (although consider avoiding lying on the right side after the first trimester).
Additionally, the spooning position causes less strain on the body, and is also a nice option for folks looking to change-up power dynamics during sex!
- Pee Free - Finding Accessible Washrooms with Foursquare
posted by gill on June 4, 2010
Has anyone else noticed how difficult it is to find a public washroom in Toronto? This may seem like an odd question for a sex shop blog to be asking, but it may surprise you to know that aside from our great customer service, high-quality toys, and educational approach to sex retail, we're also well known for our washroom at 701 Queen Street West.
So, what's so special about our washroom?
Well, before you get any racy ideas about the Come As You Are washroom, I should tell you that our washroom is primarily known as being one of the only truly public washrooms on this stretch of Queen West (that is, we don't make you buy something to use it) and further, it is the only public gender-neutral accessible washroom on West Queen West. Wow.
I hope I don't sound like I'm bragging because mostly it is just terrible that we're the only one. This is kind of like when Good Vibrations privatized and we became the world's only co-operative sex shop by default - I mean, it sounds nice, but it is not like we did anything extra to earn the title. In fact, we wish there were more co-op sex shops AND public accessible washrooms!
So, what do you do when you're not hanging around Queen West in Toronto and you need to find a washroom? Well, as is the new norm, there's an app for that! Using the information submitted by users to Foursquare, folks have built an app to help you locate washrooms near you. Even better - when they have the information, they indicate whether the washroom is accessible.
I know it seems like I'm giving a lot of attention to Foursquare lately - despite my obvious privacy concerns - but as with all technology, sometimes the usefulness can be more important than the sacrifice. In the case of the Pee Free app, you don't have to be on Foursquare to use it, and you don't need to give a lot of information about yourself - just where you're looking for a washroom.
There's a free, ad-supported version and a paid version available for Android currently, and it should be coming to the iPhone soon.
Has anyone had a chance to play with this new app? Please do let me know what your experiences with it have been like!
[Pee Free]
- Chris Ablett Photography - Sitting
posted by gill on May 29, 2010
Come As You Are friend, frequent visitor and almost in-house artist Chris Ablett has been sharing his erotic art knowledge and skill with the CAYA community for years with his erotic photography workshops and his packed Erotic Blender shows. Parts of his new series of self-portraits have graced our walls in the past, and now his series has its own website and Chris has a accompanying Facebook page for his fans and admirers of his work.
Read more about Chris Ablett or view his collection "Sitting" on Chris' website.
- Accessible Erotica: Tactile Mind
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April 13, 2010
We're thrilled to see this book getting so much mainstream press (CNN, BBC, Toronto Star, and the funniest, the NY Post). Photographer Lisa J Murphy came to us almost two years ago to introduce us to her tactile erotica and we fell in love with it. We think you will too. | more about Tactile Mind
- Envisioning New Meanings of Disability and Difference
April 2, 2010
We highly recommend checking out this website and online digital media project that explores (as the name says) the various ways we think about and talk about disability and difference. From the site:Over the last three years, women living with disabilities and physical differences took part in arts-based workshops. Workshop activities and discussions explored identity and the meaning we find in our experiences. How do we want to be seen? What is important to us?
The result is the dynamic multimedia Envisioning exhibit featuring 34 photographs and 12 digital stories. By creating their art, women use the power of image to share their life experiences, expertise, and imagination.
The site is also an interesting model of accessibility for anyone looking at creating multi-media content that is more accessible.
Check it out: Envisioning New Meanings of Disability and Difference
- Eli Clare in Toronto
January 24, 2010
We're thrilled to be sponsoring three events in Toronto featuring the poet, activist, educator Eli Clare. The last one is much more than Eli, it's an afternoon of performance featuring some awesome Toronto performers. Hope you can check one or more than one of these out.************************
Reading At York University
Thursday, January 28th, 1pm – 4pm
Vanier College 010, Senior Common Room
Reading by Eli Clare from two of his books, Exile and Pride: Disability,
Queerness, and Liberation and The Marrow’s Telling: Words in Motion.
This poetry reading and meet and greet aims at discussing, celebrating,
complicating and engaging the intersections of transsexuality, desire and
ability. Clare’s reading provides a medium for those engaged in his work to
be empowered by their own strengths and bodies, abilities and desires.
FREE ADMISSION! This event is open to the public and is physically and
socially accessible:
• Wheelchair access
• Comfortable safe space
FREE Refreshments & snacks after the event! RSVP so that we may account for
space and food. For additional information, accessibility requests and RSVP
please contact the Access Centre – Able York Office: yaccess@yorku.ca or
416-736-2100 ext. 77612
Sponsors: Graduate Program in Critical Disabilities Studies, York University
Students for Barrier-free Access, University of Toronto, Come As You Are
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Symposium: “Disability and Sexuality: Globalizing Perspectives”
Friday, January 29, 8:30 am ? 4:30 pm
500 University Avenue, Room 132
Eli is giving the keynote at this one day symposium sponsored by the International Centre for Disability and Rehabilitation
Event is wheelchair accessible, ASL interpretation and captioning.
Tickets available through UofTtix box office, 416?978?8849 or www.uofttix.ca
*************************
in/visible unicorn: an afternoon of performances exploring & exposing imagination, bodies and representation.
Sunday, January 31, 2:00pm - 5:00pm
buddies in bad times theatre, 2 Alexander st
Perfomers include: Eli Clare, Onyinyechukwu (Onyii) Udegbe. Jorge Vallejos, Kenji Tokawa
Tara-Michelle Ziniuk, Big Appetite formerly known as the fat femme mafia, Griffin Epstein
GIMP boot camp a video written, directed, produced and edited by Melisa Brittain and Danielle Peers
& possibly more.
Event is wheelchair accessible, we're still working on ASL interpretation, and it's free or pay what you can.
More details at: http://www.facebook.com/#/event.php?eid=287847905069&ref=ts
- Toronto Symposium: "Disability and Sexuality: Globalizing Perspectives”
January 8, 2010
There aren't many professional opportunities for folks interested in sexuality and disability, no matter where you live. In Toronto we have something maybe once every two or three years, so when we heard about this one day symposium being organized by the International Centre for Disability and Rehabilitation, we got in touch and offered to help. Come As You Are has been helping out with organizing and programming, and I'm going to moderate a morning panel.I'm assuming there will be a a rehabilitation focus at this one, but the keynote speaker is simply one of the best speakers (and thinkers) in the areas of disability, gender, sexuality, trans, and queer issues. Funny, smart, powerful every time I see him. And lots of great people on the panels, so it should be interesting. Of course it will be more interesting with more folks from different perspectives attending.
The event is wheelchair accessible, ASL interpretation will be provided, as well as captioning.
Early bird registration ($60) ends next Tuesday. You can download the flyer here, and information below:
2010 Symposium: “Disability and Sexuality: Globalizing Perspectives”
Friday, January 29, 2010
8:30 am ? 4:30 pm
500 University Avenue, Room 132
Keynote Address: “Pity, Stereotypes, and Access: Disabled People Navigating Sex”
Eli Clare, activist and poet
White, disabled, and genderqueer, Eli Clare has a B.A. in Women's Studies and a M.F.A. in Creative
Writing. He has spoken all over the United States about disability, queer and trans identities, and social
justice issues. Eli is the author of a book of essays entitled Exile and Pride: Disability, Queerness, and
Liberation and the poetry collection The Marrow's Telling: Words in Motion, and has been published in
many periodicals and anthologies.
Agenda in brief:
Morning panel: Reflections on Disability and Sexuality
Speakers include experts Loree Erickson (York University), Frank Folino (Ontario Rainbow Alliance of
the Deaf) and Sheryl Newman (Canadian Paraplegic Association), Moderator: Cory Silverberg
Lunch (provided)
Afternoon panel: Reflections on Working with People With Disabilities in Poor Countries
Speakers include Deb Cameron (Trinidad Working Group) and Lynn Cockburn (Cameroon Working Group), Moderator: Fran Odette
Looking Forward: Implications for the Field and for Us, Stephanie Nixon (ICDR Academic Director)
Conclusions: Meeting of Minds
Fee:
Early bird (Jan. 12) registration: $60
Early bird (Jan. 12) students: $25
After January 12:
Registration: $75
Students: $40
Tickets available at UofTtix box office, 416?978?8849 and online at uofttix.ca
- Survey on Invisible Chronic Illness - Lesbian and bisexual women, and Trans people
January 6, 2010
We wanted to pass along this call for participants. I wasn't aware of the acronym "ICI" for invisible chronic illnesses, but the experience of being disabled or living with a chronic illness or disability that isn't immediately apparent to others is one that is so far in the closet, in terms of most people's understanding of it, that any well thought out research would surely be a help in generating public discussion and awareness. I understand the need for research to focus, but also have to say it's a bit of a shame that they aren't open to hearing from people of all genders, it's not as if there's a lot of great qualitative research on invisible chronic illness at all. But getting this post reminded me of a fabulous post I read on FWD/Forward about Invisible Disability Bingo.
Here's the call for participants, information about the researcher is at the bottom:
The purpose of this survey is to gather information regarding the challenges faced by lesbian, bisexual and queer women, and transgendered and transsexual people who live with invisible chronic illnesses.
You do not have to have a formal medical diagnosis to fill out this survey. However, you must have an invisible chronic physical condition. Invisible chronic illnesses (ICIs) share a number of characteristics regardless of diagnosis. Some of these characteristics are: non-observable symptoms (i.e. pain, fatigue, cognitive difficulty), some symptoms are immeasurable, sometimes people appear well, and the illness has periods of exacerbation and remission. There are many ICIs. A few examples are: multiple sclerosis, arthritis, HIV, fibromyalgia, lupus, and irritable bowel syndrome.
If you are not sure whether you are living with an ICI we still want to hear from you. Please fill out the survey. There will be room at the end for comments and you can let us know there why you are not sure.
You also must reside in Canada since the results of the survey will be used to advocate for change within the Canadian medical system and for community-based services. It does not matter whether you are a Canadian citizen, permanent resident, refugee claimant, temporary worker, or undocumented. As well, you must be at least 18 years old.
This survey is anonymous. You are not requested to provide your name to participate. Any identifying information you provide will be altered to ensure confidentiality. Your privacy will be protected.
The results of this survey will be presented at the Rainbow Health Ontario 2010 Conference to raise awareness regarding ICIs and to start a conversation that will lead to change regarding the services needed for lesbian, bisexual, and queer women and trans people living with ICIs. To find out more about Rainbow Health Ontario go to: http://www.
Additionally, results from this survey may be used for publication to raise awareness and/or advocate for change.
The survey takes between 20 and 30 minutes to fill out. Here is the link:
http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/
The survey will be online until February 21, 2010.
About the researcher
The researcher is Silvana Bazet. This survey was designed by Silvana with the input of a Community Advisory Committee. Silvana is a lesbian and lives with an undiagnosed ICI. She is also a psychotherapist in private practice and Clinical Member of the Ontario Society of Psychotherapists. To find out more about Silvana go to: http://torontopsychotherapy.
Should you have any questions or comments, please contact Silvana at: queericisurvey@gmail.com
The survey is also available in Word to be printed and distributed to those who may not have access to a computer. Please contact Silvana to obtain a copy.
- Sexuality, Disability, and Attendant Services Survey
January 3, 2010
The Sexuality and Access Project is a Trillium funded community research project that is looking into the ways that folks who use attendant services and their attendants deal with negotiating sexual requests.
If you need attendant services you probably need your attendant to assist with some aspects of sexual expression (whether that’s dressing up the way you want, going out to a strip club or bar, a sex party or sex store, etc….)
But attendants receive no training and little guidance on what is and isn’t part of their job, and if you use attendant services you’ve probably never had any training or guidance on how to talk with an attendant about sex.
This project is an initial effort at addressing these lacks and developing training and resources for both attendants and people who use attendant services.
If you use attendant services, they want to hear from you. You can fill out a survey here (you’ll have to cut and paste the URL, sometimes the link doesn’t work):
https://www.surveymonkey.com/s/6TPRSRR
If you need assistance in filling out a survey, or would be able to participate in a phone survey, please contact the project coordinator, Fran Odette, at the information below.
There is also a survey for attendants. If you know of attendants who you think would be interested in completing the survey, they will have to cut and paste that survey address below and paste into their server. It should take them directly to the attendant survey:
https://www.surveymonkey.com/s/V7TSFYD
To learn more about the project or to receive a version of the online survey in alternate format, contact
Fran Odette, Project Coordinator at 416-968-3422 Ext. 30 or at f.odette@gmail.com
This project is done in partnership with the Centre for Independent Living in Toronto, Niagara Centre for Independent Living, and Independent Centre and Network
- Sexuality Workshop for Youth with Brain Injuries
December 3, 2009
Bloorview Kids Rehab, Canada's largest children's rehabilitation hospital, is running three great workshops in February on the topic of dating, sexuality, and relationships for youth with brain injuries.All three workshops take place on February 16, 2010 at 7:00pm. One is for children 8-14, one for youth 15-25, and one for parents. Giving both parents and youth an opportunity to talk and ask questions without the other present is so important, and not having that kind of boundary is one of the big obstacles for youth living with disabilities around accessing sexual information.
All three workshops are free of charge, but you do have to register for them.
They have a brochure with more information and contact details to registers. The link below will download a pdf version of the brochure.
Sexuality, Safety & Smarts: A workshop about dating, sexuality & relationships after brain injury
- International Sexuality and Disability Symposium in Toronto, Save the Date
November 26, 2009
If you live in Toronto, or are looking for a good reason to visit at the end of January (you know, aside from the balmy weather that time of year) mark January 29, 2010 on your calendar. The International Centre for Disability and Rehabilitation is holding a one day symposium on sexuality and disability. They've just started their planning but I'm helping out a bit so I've heard a few of their plans and they've got some exciting stuff planned. The International Centre for Disability and Rehabilitation (ICDR) was established in January 2004. The centre was formed as a response to the need for sustainable assistance to people with disabilities in developing counties; the need to expand the training of students and practitioners in order to respond to global needs; and in response to the University of Toronto's commitment to reaching beyond its traditional borders.
I'll keep you posted here, but if you want more information contact the centre directly, icdr.info@utoronto.ca.
- Research about Disability and Online Dating
posted by cs on November 15, 2009
This call for participants came to us via the Citizens With Disabilities - Ontario listserv. I don't know anyone involved, but I do know that, as the description below suggests, this is definitely an under researched area. They are looking for people who are over 18, identify as living with a disability, and have used or are currently using online dating sites.From the email notice and the study's informed consent form:
Natasha Saltes is a recent MA graduate in Critical Disability Studies. She is currently recruiting participants for a qualitative study that she is conducting on disability and online dating. There is very little research on this particular topic - this is a unique opportunity to anonymously take part in an original study that will shed light on the experience of disability and online dating.
The purpose of this study is to examine the impact that online dating presents for people who identify themselves as living with a disability. This study aims to uncover how users with disabilities manage their identity online. This study also attempts to understand the experiences that people with disabilities have had in using online dating services and the ways in which online dating experiences may differ from offline experiences.
Take the online questionnaire
Read the informed consent form
If you have any questions or concerns about this study please send an email to disabilitydatingstudy@gmail.com
Maybe once every couple of years I get an email advertising some new "disabled dating service" or "disability friendly" dating site. Sometimes they are just plain sketchy, most of the time I'm wary, but not sure if I should be. I think about how most people are a bit wary when they hear that I, someone who is currently non-disabled, work in the area of sex and disability. Being a bit skeptical comes with the territory, but it feels weird for me as an ally. Part of the priviledge I live with is that other people put me in a gatekeeper role when it comes to access to information. Particularly non-disabled professionals who usually find it easier to deal with me than with their own attitudes toward disability, equity, etc... So on the one hand I want to just share everything that comes my way and the idea that I might not share something because I think they're just out for a fast buck seems sort of condescending.
On the other, as a sex educator and someone trying to live an ethical life, I take referrals very seriously and don't ever want someone to think I'm recommending something unless I really am recommending it. Being an ally makes this tricky, but so does the fact that there are so few resources around sex, dating, and disability, that most of us want to see everything we can get our hands on.
- Picture This! Young People, Disability and Sexual Health
October 29, 2009
If you're 18-24 and identify as disabled or live with a disability, or you know someone who is, check out this new project, it sounds amazing and is totally free!Picture This! Young People, Disability and Sexual Health
Picture This! is a participatory action research study that will gather a small group of young people (age 18-24) with disabilities for a series of ten weekly workshops on sexuality, disability, sexual health, and the arts.
Why?
The needs, perspectives, and experiences of young people with disabilities tend to be overlooked in programs that promote positive sexuality and sexual health among youth. Yet young people with disabilities have lots to share, and they also have questions and concerns.
Who is involved?
We are a group of researchers from York, Ryerson, U of T, and Wilfred Laurier. We come from a variety of backgrounds and lived experiences in disability advocacy, sexuality, public health and public policy, sociology and the arts. The project is funded by the Center for Urban Health Initiatives (CUHI) and the Canadian Foundation for AIDS Research (CanFAR).
What is going on?
We are looking for young people with disabilities to volunteer to participate with us in 10 weekly workshops. If you are 18-24, have lived experience with disability, and would like to learn more, please contact us!
Volunteers will engage together as co-researchers in questioning, building knowledge, and creative expression in the ten weekly workshops. Co-researchers will help to choose and plan the activities, which may include:
• Creating our own art, music, photography or performance pieces about disability and sexuality/sexual health
• Critiquing advertisements and educational materials
• Meeting and working with artists, including artists with disabilities
• Learning about sexual health, safe sex, and HIV prevention
• Learning about asserting ourselves in relationships
• Discussing what positive sexuality means
• Discussing and confronting the barriers to positive sexuality
• Putting together a program or exhibit that highlights the perspectives of young people with disabilities
What does it cost?
These workshops are free. We will cover transportation and other expenses and make sure that all participants’ access and accommodation needs are met. We will provide snacks during meetings and an honorarium. Participating in these workshops can also count as community service hours, and we would be happy to provide letters of reference.
How do I learn more?
Please contact Devon Proudfoot, Program coordinator at:
Tel: 416 736 2100 ex. 20712
TTY: 416-650-8273
Email: picturethistoronto@gmail.com
- Our Compass: A Night Exploring Disability, Sexuality and Gender Identity
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October 8, 2009
Our Compass: A night exploring disability, sexuality and gender identity
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
6:00 - 8:00pm
LAL performance
Snacks Provided
FREE
Address: Art Gallery of Ontario, 317 Dundas St. W.,? Toronto, Ontario
Come check out a new art project featuring lesbian, ? gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning youth ? labelled with intellectual disabilities.
Photo Exhibit! Artist Talk! Live Music!
Griffin Centre's sprOUT project is supported by:
• The Ontario Trillium Foundation
• Ministry of Children and Youth Services and Ministry of Community and Social Services, Children and Youth Mental Health Fund: Innovations Funding - Year 4
• Toronto Public Health, AIDS Prevention Community Investment Program
The AGO Youth Council is part of the AGO's Teens Behind the Scenes Program. Teens Behind the Scenes is generously supported by:
Lead Sponsor: ERICSSON
Generously Supported By: Tippet Foundation
The Lloyd Carr-Harris Foundation
Please RSVP to Chi Ching Hui at chui@griffin-centre.org
For more info contact Marcus Syrus Ware at syrus_ware@ago.net
