blog

September 3, 2010

September 2, 2010

permalink

posted by gill on September 2, 2010

Whether you’re packing off your kids to school or you’re merely a civilian witnessing the mass exodus of children from the streets into the schoolyard, we think embracing education in the fall is a fine tradition... especially when it comes to sex education.

While the debate over sex education in schools will surely continue through all of our lifetimes, it is undeniable that most of us never received a proper education in sexuality or sexual health, and we spend much of our adult lives sorting out the mass of misinformation we received in our youth. Fortunately, as adults, it is much easier to access information about sex - we can seek out information online; we can attend sex education workshops at our favourite sex-positive sex shop; we are able to purchase or rent or download sex instruction DVDs.

However, with all of the information out there about sex and sexuality (especially online), it is becoming increasingly difficult to sort out fact from fiction, and this is where we can help! We have spent the majority of our adulthood sorting through sexual health information and sexuality products to bring you only the best of the best from sources that we’ve found to be reliable.

Our sex education workshops are performed by internationally recognized sex educators and authors; all of the books on our shelves have been read by us to ensure accuracy; our adult and educational DVDs are thoroughly reviewed; and our selection of sex toys have actually been tried by us so you know that they actually do what they claim.

We don’t fancy ourselves experts - you’re the only expert on your sexuality - we’re just here to help guide on your journey toward greater sexual health and pleasure.

permalink

August 27, 2010

Sex and senior citizens seems to be one of those topics that the media love to pick up every now and then, play with for a few minutes, and like the ADD folks they are, promptly forget about until a new book comes along, or an editor feels like the word "sex" hasn't appeared in paper enough that week. It's a fad for them.

But for any of us who live long enough, being a senior citizen and being sexual isn't a fad, it's a reality. Our sexuality doesn't stop or change because we are getting older. Our sexuality changes, but it does that throughout our lives.

The biggest change when it comes to aging and sex may not be how our body responds differently, or how we think and feel, it may be the way we are treated by everyone around us, and the ways our access to partners change as we get older.

It's hard not to sound glib about sex and aging bodies. The fact is that as we age we do have to learn to adapt to our changing bodies, it isn't all "embrace your inner wisdom" and "spend all that free time having sex". Although both of those sound pretty good if you can make it work.

The bottom line is that changing and adapting isn't necessarily easy but it is possible and can result in both great sex and greater self knowledge.

permalink

August 26, 2010

Welcome to the beginning of 'best of Toronto' season! Yes, the release of BlogTO's Best of Toronto poll means that more are soon to come. Now, we got over our collective plaque fetish back in 2001 (when the bookshelf got too full to display any more Best of Toronto plaques) but we do still get off on the external validation that these "Best of" polls provide. So, do the right thing, and indulge our need for gratification by letting us know that you care.

permalink

August 25, 2010

Come and explore Wendyland, the first solo show by Toronto illustrator Wendy Ding. Experience a place inspired by tasty treats, sexy pin-up girls and whimsical imagination. Join us for a lively evening with light refreshments and meet Wendy in person on opening night.

permalink

posted by gill on August 19, 2010

When you work in sex, you get called a lot of names. For sex workers and porn performers, these names tend to be derogatory, playful or political, but in sex retail, titles can range from the banal "sales associate" to the often-misleading "sex educator". At Come As You Are, we don't identify as either.

In fact, since the time we opened our doors way back in 1997, we've struggled with all sorts of titles in all sorts of contexts. The members of CAYA are officially called worker-owners to underscore that we're not a bunch of fat cat absentee owners of this co-operative, but rather, we're actively working in the trenches every day. The government requires us to identify a president, treasurer, etc for their purposes, but within our collective structure, it doesn't make sense to have a president - although, I know that Cory thoroughly enjoyed his tenure as 'secretary' and I find much humour in receiving mail addressed to the 'president'.

Further, we've never been good at coming up with descriptions for our individual job titles. The folks who work in the store and in mail order (worker-owners included) certainly are not 'sales associates' and their training doesn't involve any sales training at all. Instead, we all receive training on sex-related books, sex education dvds, erotic dvds, sex toys and sexual health, as well as, sex and disability, anti-racism, sex and gender, and mental health. We aren't sales focused at all, but we don't believe in calling ourselves 'sex educators' because that implies that we have a formal education in sexuality. Of course, anyone can call themselves a sex educator, and often we've wondered if we should jump on that bandwagon for the sake of simplicity, but it feels disingenuous to do so.

For folks in the media, we're even more annoying with our refusal to be named. One of our core values is to be the anti-expert, which means that we reject titles like 'sex expert' or even worse 'sexpert', but in this culture of expertise, we're expected to have authoritative-sounding titles, and we just can't and won't budge on our core values. Nor should we.

We've been playing around with some new names lately, but they all seem either boring or exaggerated, so we're enlisting your help! Yes, this is the official Come As You Are Nomenclature Contest of 2010! Send us your suggestions and we'll be awarding prizes for the best names, as well as prizes for the most humorous names too. Send your entry to contest@comeasyouare.com by the end of September to have yours considered.

permalink

August 10, 2010

permalink

August 7, 2010

The Globe and Mail's Micah Toub (with a little help from us, and Seska!) uncovers the realities the ethics of porn, and helps guide consumers toward the stuff that empowers and doesn't oppress performers.

permalink

posted by gill on August 6, 2010

Hold on to your reindeer, because Come As You Are is already in Christmas mode, apparently. For the first time, CAYA participated in a holiday preview event for Canadian media and while we know that it is way to early to start discussing the holidays, it was a really interesting event.

We schlepped our wares exactly two blocks east to the Burroughes Building, unintentionally became the FourSquare mayor of said building, watched some Coronation Street in the elevator, and generally had a blast meeting and talking to some really awesome people.

If you've read our August newsletter, you'll already know that Sarah is busy rearing the next generation of CAYA co-op members (she's on parental leave) and this was our first event without our fearless event coordinator here to guide us (and you know, to do the heavy lifting.) But we persevered, and we think, it all came together quite nicely - especially with the help of our freshly minted display and merchandise coordinator (we're such a little coop, but we insist on giving everyone very formal sounding titles.)

The attendees were from all sorts of Canadian media - from blogs to national magazines - and it was lovely to see some friendly faces and some folks who became pretty darn friendly by the end of the day. A special shout out to the folks at women.ca for totally making our day with their unbridled interest, and one of our new favourite blogs luckypennydaily.com. Please don't think we're trying to uh, score, with media with these mentions, we just like to acknowledge awesome folks when they cross our paths.

A lot of folks asked us that day about our 'demographics'. That is, they really want to know about your gender, age, relationship status and orientation - and well, we have a really hard time answering those questions because we really don't think about the world in those terms. Sure, we meet you in-store and online every day, but we work hard to not make assumptions about your lives because we think our being open provides a better experience for you.

Perhaps because we've always had assumptions made about our genders, ages, relationships and orientations, we're just more sensitive to these things, but we believe strongly in being the sex shop and sexuality resource for everyone - not just couples, or women or queer folks. We want all of you to feel comfortable walking through our doors and visiting our website, and we really hope we were also able to do the same for all of the editors and writers who passed through our holiday preview this week.

permalink

August 2, 2010

Welcome to our new newsletter!

We've been working hard to bring you a more frequent, relevant and easy-to-read guide to the goings on at Come As You Are - and we hope you'll love the new format as much as we do!

Here's what you can expect from our new newsletter:

Be Accessible: We've increased our font size and changed our font to the easier-to-read, and appropriately named VAG. Working Harder to Make Sex Easier: We'll now be publishing this newsletter monthly to keep the information fresh and to ensure you hear about new toys, books and DVDs as soon as they hit the shelves.

Contribute Co-operatively: We'll be frank: a paper newsletter isn't he most environmentally responsible form of communication. In 2006, we nudged almost 5000 of our newsletter subscribers off of lettermail and onto email and we promise to keep on nudging.

Create Nerdy Fun: We've produced this entire newsletter in-house: we designed, wrote, printed and folded this newsletter ourselves. Sometimes we just create a whole lot of nerdy work, but fortunately, we think it Is a whole lot of nerdy fun!

In other news, we're both happy and sad to announce that there have been some other big changes at Come As You Are co-operative.

Founding member, Cory Silverberg has recently left the membership of the co-operative after 13 years of dedicated service to pursue his interest in collecting Foursquare badges, and Sarah Forbes-Roberts will be on parental leave to raise our collective spawn.

We're half-joking about both, of course, but we'll miss them both terribly and are so appreciative that they've entrusted us with running this great co-op for all of you!

permalink

July 28, 2010

As part of our ongoing effort to document our collective wisdom, Come As You Are Co-operative has produced a series of informational brochures on a variety of topics relating to sex and sexuality. This is the third in our series. If your organization would like to distribute any of these brochures, please contact us and we'll send some your way!

Introduction

Being sex positive at Come As You Are means we consider sexuality to be a site of tremendous health, pleasure and strength in our lives. We also realize that many of us experience physical, emotional, and psychic pain around sexuality. We are great cheerleaders of the positive potential of sex, but proceed with respect and awareness that sometimes sex can feel too painful to talk about.

Whatever the source of our pain, many of us will be faced with the challenge of trying to navigate this barrier to pleasure. For some of us this may be a brief encounter and for others it may be a lifelong challenge.

Though this process can be wrought with challenges and frustration, we also believe it opens up opportunities to redefine what pleasure means to each of us and re-imagine new ways of finding it!

This pamphlet offers a non-medical, pleasure based approach to sex and pain.

Accessing help

Unfortunately, there is still a lot we don’t know about many of the conditions that cause sex to be painful. What we do know is that no one should be told that unwanted pain during sex is “normal”.

If you are experiencing pain during sex it is important to see a health professional to ensure that any underlying physical cause is treated whenever possible. Before an appointment it can be helpful to make some notes, including information about your pain (when does it occur, what do you do/take for it, how long has it been going on, etc.) as well as questions you have for the health professional. Having notes with you may help you feel calmer and more focused, and ensure you get what you need out of an appointment.

When it comes to pain during sex, help can come in many forms. For some, it may mean accessing relationship or personal therapy, physiotherapy, or medical help; for others it may be about reducing their stress levels or making other changes to their day to day lives.

Remember, whenever you are accessing help, don’t be afraid to be your own best advocate! Absolutely ask questions, know your options, and get second opinions!

Sex the way YOU want it!

If you are experiencing pain during sex it may be helpful to try and re-imagine what sex includes. Often we are encouraged to think of sex as vaginal sex or partner sex. But sex doesn’t have to be either of these things. With or without pain, limiting what you think of as sex often only serves to limit your options for pleasure.

People experience sexual ecstasy while being fed a sensual meal, while having warm oil rubbed into their skin, or while being handcuffed to the bed post, and in a thousand other ways. Imagine the kind of sex you WANT to have, not the kind you think you ought to have.

The joy of solo sex When pain becomes a part of our sexual response many of us stop all sexual touch, even masturbation. Time spent on our own and exploring our bodies can be a key tool in learning, or relearning, how pleasurable sex can work for us. Often the pain we experience during sex is not inevitable pain, so making time when you don’t do anything that hurts and only things that feel good is important! Explore whether touching your body in new ways or in new places can create a pleasurable feeling.

Knowing what it is that you enjoy can help you communicate to others where to go and where to avoid so that you start minimizing your pain and maximizing your pleasure.

Toys and tools

Together with a medical professional we designed a set of six 100% silicone dilators. We find these items are often useful exercisers for people experiencing vaginal pain or post-surgery therapy.

When we are experiencing pain our bodies tend to carry around a lot of tension. Massages (with all natural massage oils) can help us not only release this tension, but also reconnect with others and explore erogenous zones all over our bodies.

Vibrators come in lots of shapes and sizes, and offer a range of vibrations from very subtle to very intense. Whether used internally or externally, they may offer a new sensation and increase blood flow.

Erotic books and DVDs can be filled with creative approaches to enjoying sex. From sensual massage to erotic rope bondage, educational to hardcore, they can offer all sorts of new ways to heat things up.

Online Resources

The Sexual Health Network offers an array of articles, mostly from a medical perspective on a range of sexual health issues, including pain during intercourse.

Scarleteen offers a youth-friendly, sex positive approach to sexual health information. Articles on sex and pain include From OW! To WOW: Demystifying Painful Intercourse.

Canadian Physiotherapy Association. Offers referrals to physiotherapists who specialize in pelvic and sexual pain.

Info and resources on vulvodynia from Queens University’s Sexual Health Research Labratory

Books

The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability. Includes discussion of chronic pain throughout. Miriam Kaufman, M.D, Cory Silverberg and Fran Odette.

Healing Sex: A mind-body approach to healing sexual trauma. Staci Haines.

Get in touch

Need more information? We can be reached by phone at 1-888-504-7934 or via email at info@comeasyouare.com.

permalink

July 27, 2010

permalink

posted by gill on July 21, 2010

I swear, Buck Angel's entire career has basically been public service - someone give him a government pension asap! Check out his Public Cervix Announcement below!

permalink

posted by gill on July 20, 2010

As part of our ongoing series "the stuff people send us", I'd like to share this well-articulated letter sent to us a few years ago. This fellow is particularly concerned that the popularity and availability of sex toys is causing him to lose potential partners. Well, we don't think that vibrators make for very good people substitutes - not even the talking ones! - in fact, we think that this gentleman might do well to acquire a few of these 'competing' devices to his tickle trunk rather than shun them!

Disclaimer: this letter was sent to a number of sex shops years ago, and we're republishing it here because, well, I love the sex toys he's singled out (Hip and Hop Rabbit Vibe, Mango Packer, etc) and it was clearly meant for a large audience. Obviously, nothing you ever send us in confidence will ever wind up on the internet. Why? Because we believe in being worthy of your trust.

permalink