valentine's 2001, no 13

The celebration of February 14 as a lovers' holiday goes back thousands of years, to ancient Rome. Known as Lupercalia, it was dedicated to Juno, goddess of women and marriage. One of the traditions of that pagan festival was the selection of lovers by lottery. Young women wrote their names on slips of paper. These they placed into a large drum, from which young men drew their "lot. " The women thus "allotted" became the ticketholder's sweetheart until the next draw, held the following year, once again on Juno's feast. In time, however, people came to resent the practice of having their sweethearts chosen for them - by chance. They felt that their own choice should take the place of luck.

Whether by choice, chance, or the arrangement of a good friend, the pursuit and selection of a good mate is a preoccupation many of us have. For those more inclined to direct their, um, affairs, there is a plethora of options. Dating services, advice books, and even courses will arrange, guide and teach you in the arts of meeting, dating and mating. Others stress the importance of putting your own house in order - quite literally, in the practice of feng shui. A Come As You Are workshop last summer with Bridget McFarthing helped people identify the "love corner" of their living space and how to signal their romantic and sexual intentions. Love yourself and others will be drawn to you is the message of many love-and-romance books. Masturbation as the groundwork for better sex with your partner; self-knowledge as the precursor to good relationship; self-confidence as the basis of attractiveness - it all starts with you.

Eventually, lots of people get drawn to a sex shop. Those looking for a quick fix will likely be disappointed. The rubber toy only has as much power as you give it. But for those looking to explore or expand their repertoire, there's lots to increase your self-confidence, improve your self-knowledge and augment your self-loving sessions. And, it's no accident that what works for folks by themselves, is also great for new and longtime lovers. Getting and giving love is a lifelong practice, and eroticism and sexuality can be powerful, loving forces. You may also find that whatever you decide to do by choice may then suddenly appear to you by chance (or a clever matchmaker in your midst). However you do it, we wish for an abundance of pleasure in your life, this season and always. (See the rest of this newsletter for what we have to offer in that pursuit!)

news

The latest news and reviews from Come As You Are can be heard every third Wednesday of the month at 11:30 am on CIUT's Gaywire programme. Tune into 89.5 FM for "Breakfast in Bed" for dish on toys, videos, books, sex culture and more - all with a queer focus.

If you received this newsletter in the store or from a friend and would like to have it sent directly to your home, just contact us with your name and address. We also send this newsletter out by e-mail, so if you'd prefer to receive it that way, give us your e-mail address only.

toys

These sparkling-new toys will help you and your beloveds over the inevitable mid-winter February hump.

Bend 'n' Blush combines many great features of dildos already available. Its material is like cyberskin, but without the oily finish of other types of cyberskin. Its inner shaft is durable and flexible, making it ideal for penetration and packing with a harness. And, on top of it all, it's incredibly smooth and soft. Pink, with sparkles. (6" by 1 1/2")

Joining our roster of dual-motor Japanese vibrators is Hungry Bear. Providing simultaneous penetration and clitoral stimulation, it has a ridged shaft, and the finely detailed clitoral stimulator has a bear with a salmon in its mouth! Available in ice blue and lavender, the shaft measures 5" by 1 1/2".

More versatile and a little less powerful than the Hitachi Magic Wand, electric vibrator Dr. Scholl's Rechargeable can be used plugged in or unplugged for cordless play. Attachments for the Hitachi also fit on this vibrator. (11" in length; head is 2 1/2" in diameter)

Purple and white in colour and with a grape scent, Grape Swirl silicone dildo has a spongy-soft feel but is firm enough for harness use. Medium is 5" by 1 1/2"; large is 6 1/4" by 1 5/8".

videos

The porn world has been catching on to the desire to see good black actors in a variety of scenarios and solid, high quality productions. Here is a selection of our recent favourites.

Body & Soul is a tangled tale of inspiration, desperation, finding your muse, and just how far people will go to get what they want. The diverse cast features black and white actors, and stars Mocha. Hot sex all around, with an expecially heated performance by Inari Vachs.

Sista 9 is one in a series of lesbian videos featuring a majority black cast. Minimal plot with great scenes of girl crushes, flirting, serious sex, and lots of sex toys.

Bad-ass private eye Isis Blue always gets her man, or woman, or both. In this tribute to Foxy Brown, Midori kicks ass as the hard- working and hard-loving detective who just won't quit. DVD extras include still photo gallery, cast bios, and chapter selection menu.

We're also seeing more diversity in the world of sex education videos. In Better Sex Video Series for Black Couples, sexuality experts offer information, while couples demonstrate. With a particular focus on cultural stereotyping and issues within the black community, and good information for everybody. Volume 1 is a starter's guide to sexual communication and negotiation; volume 2 provides more specific information involving toys and exploring fantasies. Heterosexual focus; explicit.

books

Here's some new and classic titles for those wanting to delve into sexual exploration that is inspired by Eastern science and spirituality. The Encyclopedia of Sacred Sexuality is a fascina-ting compendium and explanation of sexual concepts across the globe and throughout history. Included are principles of Tantra and Taoism. Developed in India and China, respectively, these philosophies have inspired understandings of alchemy, art, religion, science, medicine, psychology and sexual relations. They form the basis of two excellent books: The Art of Sexual Ecstasy and Tantra: the art of conscious loving. Using breathing, meditation, movement and sound, they explore understanding and practical exercises to achieving these goals of spiritual harmony and ecstasy.

If you prefer a different medium, Apertio is a CD produced by Tantric sex teacher Pala Copeland. It guides you through four meditations which focus on the root and genital chakras.

The merging with Zen and sex is the goal of Philip Toshio Sudo's Zen Sex. Gaining inspiration from Zen master Ikkyu Sojun's life and words, this book explores the essence of sex through seven ways of the mind, body and spirit.

workshops

GIRL PARTS & THE BIG "O"

Learn about the what & where of women's sexual anatomy and the what & how of orgasm - in its myriad forms. For those with girl parts. With Carol Camper (of Come As You Are). Cost is $20. March 13 - 7:30 - 10:00 pm

KAMA SUTRA

Through lecture and discussion, this four-week course will explore Kama Sutra through four areas: its historical context; food & aphrodisiacs; sex (including homosexuality); and physical environment. With Sudharshan Duraiyappah. Cost is $65. May 8, 15, 22 & 29 - 7:30 - 10:00 pm

THE ART OF TANTRA

Through lecture and discussion, this four-week course will focus on the philosophies, practices and art associated with Tantra. With Sudharshan Duraiyappah. Cost is $65. May 9, 16, 23 & 30 - 7:30 - 10:00 pm

FEMALE EJACULATION

Returning with her popular seminar, Shannon Bell will discuss female ejaculation from a historical and theoretical perspective, followed by an overview of anatomy and technique, plus a demonstration. Cost is $25. June 5 - 7:30 - 10:00 pm

SEX IN THE ANCIENT WORLD (east)

Through lecture and discussion, this four-week course will focus on the ancient cultures of Japan, China, India and Persia. With Sudharshan Duraiyappah. Cost is $65. October 2, 9, 16 & 23 - 7:30 - 10:00 pm

SEX IN THE ANCIENT WORLD (west)

Through lecture and discussion, this four-week course will focus on the ancient cultures of Egypt, Greece, Rome & the Celts. With Gayle Gibson. Cost is $65. Pre-registration is required for all workshops. Sliding scale is available. "Women" includes trans women. For more info or to register, please call us at 416-504-7934. October 3, 10, 17 & 24 - 7:30-10:00pm