spring 2008, no 42

Too Tall Blondes: Meet Kate Bornstein and Barbara Carrellas

Kate Bornstein is an author, playwright and performance artist best known for her book Gender Outlaws and most recently the powerful and practical Hello, Cruel World: 101 Alternatives to Suicide for Teens, Freaks, and Other Outlaws. Barbara Carrellas is an author, educator, and co-founder of Erotic Awakening. Her most recent book is Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the Twenty-First Century.

Kate and Barbara sat down with us to talk about their May visit to Toronto.

Come As You Are: For folks who aren't familiar with your work can you describe what they can expect?

Barbara: I'll be facilitating two of my favorite workshops; Tantric Connection for Couples and Tantric BDSM. Urban Tantra is an approach to sacred sexuality that adapts and blends conscious sexuality practices from Tantra to S/M into a hot and healing brand of sex for the 21st century sensualist. I created it especially for people who thought they would not like Tantra. The workshops are very down-to-earth, entertaining, and completely queer-inclusive.

Kate: The piece I'm performing is called On Men, Women, and the Rest of Us. It's sort of my "greatest hits" of spoken word pieces. The evening includes over 15 years of work, from my first book, Gender Outlaw, to a piece from my new memoir, to be published fall 2009, Kate Bornstein Is A Queer and Pleasant Danger. The evening gives a good picture of how a nice Jewish boy like me became a bad girl-and from there how I became a nice, bad not-man, not-woman. There's laughs, there's tears, there's postmodern pranks and poetry.

Come As You Are: You've both devoted your lives to helping others realize positive change around sex and gender. What do you think people need to make that change?

Barbara: I'm reminded of the joke: How many therapists does it take to change a light bulb? Only one - but the light bulb has to really want to change. We are each on our own personal sexual evolutionary path. When we stop comparing ourselves to others we begin to be able to enjoy our own journey for exactly what it is - our unique individual experience. All that is really required for change is a natural curiosity about what's around the next erotic corner and a wee bit of faith that you're strong enough and smart enough to enjoy what you find.

Come As You Are: Is there a story behind the name of your website, Too Tall Blondes?

Kate: In 1997, I was living in Seattle, WA. . I was an owned and collared slave, and I was in the process of writing two books: My Gender Workbook, and a novel Nearly Roadkill. Within the space of three months the two dykes who owned me broke up, and I was suddenly and heart-breakingly free; my mom died; and I was diagnosed with leukemia. It was a suicidal time in my life. Rather than do myself in, I went blonde and I moved to New York City to become a star. That's where I ran into Barbara. Long story made short, that's when we got together. We were both blondes then. Far too blonde. And we were both too tall for the average onlooker to ignore. So: Too Tall Blondes.

news

On Men, Women, and the Rest of Us

Join us for two nights with Kate Bornstein at Buddies in Bad Times Theatre, May 23rd and 24th. Kate will be performing her popular show On Men, Women, and the Rest of Us.combining monologue with slam poetry and postmodern stand-up slapstick, Kate's brand of humour and cutting-edge cultural insight is guaranteed to entertain and enlighten. The evening also includes excerpts from her new memoir, Kate Bornstein Is A Queer and Pleasant Danger, due to be published in March of 2009. Tickets are $20 ($15 in advance), available at Buddies in Bad Times Theatre at www.artsexy. ca or 416-975-8555.

Urban Tantra

Author of the hugely popular book, Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the Twenty-First Century, Barbara Carrellas offers a unique twist on traditional teachings of Tantra. Barbara has a respectable and easily accessible approach that takes into account the busy lives we lead and our desire for sexual exploration that is applicable for a myriad of orientations and genders. We're delighted to have her facilitate two workshops: Urban Tantra: Tantric Connections for Couples and Tantric BDSM. To pre-register call 416-504-7934 or visit our website for more.

Love the Earth!

We're committed to offering greener solutions for our customers' desires and we're happy to say we've started seeing a trend in the industry towards more environmentally conscious materials and toys that are made to last rather than clog up the landfill. Two new examples are our rechargeable vibes: the best-selling Lelo Nea and Fun Factory's Delight which are made of cleaner, safer materials and eliminate the need for batteries. For our customers who remain faithful to their battery operated vibes, don't forget to bring us your used batteries - we continue to offer our battery recycling program free to our customers for guilt-free pleasure.

toys

Lelo Liv

The latest pleasure object from Lelo is the pint-sized Lelo Liv. Liv is perfect for folks who want a rechargeable vibe for g-spot stimulation, but don't want anything too big or intimidating. Perfect for g-spot or clitoral stimulation, Liv is made of body-safe silicone and is super easy to clean too! $110

Spur

This hot little number is the perfect, realistic starter anal dildo. Spur is made of realistic feeling and looking Vixskin silicone for the ultimate in soft comfort. $81

Sportsheets Door Jam Kit

Is your dungeon closed for repairs? Can't fit your Saint Andrew's cross in your new condo? The Sportsheets Door Jam Kit is for you! This kit contains two durable nylon wrist restraints and two tethers that allow you to tie up anyone anywhere there's a door! Each tether is attached to an acrylic 'stopper' that prevents the tethers from moving when the door is closed. $29

Soft Serve

Another great silicone piece from Vixen Creations, Soft Serve is made from their trademark realistic feel silicone which offers a skin-like texture with hypoallergenic silicone. Even with its extreme ridges, Soft Serve is made of such soft and pliable silicone that you'll experience each one as a gentle wave of pleasure. $85

Syd Harness

Are you hardcore enough to rock this harness from Outlaw Leather? The Syd's leather stylings come in classic patent (red or black)leather and each harness comes complete with pyramid rivets and requisite safety pins. Like all Outlaw Harnesses, Syd can accommodate two dildos so both partners can rock out at once! Fits up to 54" waist, and any dildo with a diameter up to 2". $115

dvds

Pin Up Pussy

Probably one of the most well-done throwbacks to the gorgeous pin up girls of the 40s, this fun, light movie features good looking actors posing as the crew mate, the pilot, the housewife, the boxing ring card girl and more. No dialogue, and set to the tune of big band music, Pin Up Pussy is a stand-up movie (speaking of standing up, check out the wild positions the last couple gets in to!). No anal, no girl-on-girl, no facial ejaculations and no obnoxious "sex noises", just cute couples having beautiful sex. $29

Babysitters

The new and top-quality porn that is coming out seriously never ceases to amaze! Babysitters has a light, comedic plot, held together by the finest in the the business having searing hot sex. Every scene is a keeper, especially the four housewives at the Tupperware party being interrupted by a sexy visitor. . . and her strap on. Believable acting and a truly funny script make Babysitters definitely worth all the hype. $35

Crescendo 2012

On December 21, 2012, the world is supposedly coming to an end. What better way to celebrate is to cast off all of your inhibitions and have a no-holds barred sex party? This is what two long-time friends decide to do, and after throwing a way-hot wild orgy, wake up the next morning and have fallen deeply and truly in love. Hilarious and with two-thumbs-up acting, Crescendo is a wild romp with a heart of gold. An awesome date movie! $40

Chemistry 3

Chemistry 3 Possibly our favourite series of all time, Tristan Taormino's Chemistry, is back with a third volume. Same set up: six actors set loose in a house for 36 hours and get up to whatever they please! Through interviews comparing their real lives with their sex-work lives, talking about what they think of everyone else in the house, and explaining what they liked about each scene, we bond with the characters and really get a feeling that they're loving what their doing. Derrick Pierce's honesty, Roxy DeVille's wild voices and antics, and Jada Fire's hilarious laugh all complete the package. Oh yeah, and there's really, really hot sex involved too! $40

She's My Man 2

She's My Man 2 is overflowing with cute scenarios and even cuter girls. Real lesbians with diverse body types having fun and really enjoying themselves and their partner. A more mainstream twist on the indie girls-who-love-girls genre. $35

books

Best of the Best American Erotica 2008

Marking its 15th anniversary, Best of the Best American Erotica 2008 features selections from the entire series as well as new climactic, edgy and smart erotica. From stories of bondage in Susie Bright's Story of O Birthday, to taboo twins in Rowan Elizabeth's Halves, to a story about test driving a new sex toy in Joe Maynard's Fleshlight, this top selling erotica will leave your pulse racing and your breath heavy. $16

The Best Gay Erotica 2008

The Best Gay Erotica 2008 contains delightful tales to tickle every inch of your body and soul. A collection of tantalizing and sultry men exploring their boundaries in the classroom, the change room, the subway, the garden and beyond. The Best Gay Erotica 2008 will quench your thirst for juicy material. $15.

The Best Women's Erotica 2008

Twenty one sultry tales of erotic adventures that leap off the page and into your bed, The Best Women's Erotica 2008 has finally arrived with more deliciously spontaneous stories than ever. Submission, domination, voyeurism…this collection has it all. Don’t miss Alison Tyler's Mathew, Mark, Luke and John a taboo story about a young Jewish girl in a Christian iconography class charged with tutoring four young jocks. The Best Women's Erotica 2008 has proven again why it is one of our top favorites! $16.

S. E. X.

S. E. X delivers on its promise as an all-you-need-to-know, progressive sex survival guide to get you through high school and college. Covering sex, relationships, gender and orientation, S. E. X. also delves into issues of negative body images that many teens and even adults struggle with everyday. S. E. X. identifies with today's teens in a way that positively reinforces sex, without the fear of the unknown. $20.

XXX 30 Porn Star Portraits

Not your typical book of nude photography, XXX 30 Porn Star Portraits features insightful commentary on pornography and culture from the likes of Nancy Friday, John Malkovich, Ron Jeremy, Nina Hartley and many

. Featuring Timothy Greenfield-Sanders striking portraits that juxtapose what’s real and what’s fantastical about 30 of today's top porn stars. XXX 30 Porn Star Portraits feeds your mind as well as your libido. $27